Even after everything I've learned --- after everything you told me --- I still don't regret becoming a god. Maybe I became one for all the wrong reasons. Chasing a purpose I could never have.
But Sumeru belongs to me. In the end, I don't view it as wasted effort or chains holding me down.
... No. Had I not taken that path I would not have obtained the truth. And as for you, it's not my place to decide whether it was wasted or not. You're right that Sumeru belongs to you now, and you obviously care about it.
But I don't like the thought of being by your side just because I'm a puppet who was made to serve a god.
[He leans down so they are resting forehead to forehead.]
Do I not adore you enough?
[There is a metal sound as he pockets his vision. Though there shouldn't be any worry that he will keep it as he's removing it just for short term play. He will also undress him from the waist up and bat at any hands that try to stop him.]
You said I could use you. A scar or two will make you remember who you belong to.
[ He doesn't try to stop him, but he does try to reach for him, partly just so he won't be completely blind. It's obvious he's getting a little restless once he bats his hands away ]
It's never going to be enough. I'm greedy, so I want everything you have to offer. I want your eyes to be fixated on me. I want to keep being in your thoughts.
[There is a small tug in his mind when he say 'in your thoughts'. In Sumeru, Mochi came into contact with the Akasha. And just like Nahida, even if the Akasha is not present, she can still reach into the minds of those who touched it. It isn't powerful enough to take him over, but he wants to make its presence known.]
What a fickle wind. I was respecting your freedom, but if you want to be caged, well, all you have to do is ask.
[Once clothes are out of the way, he doesn't really care what he does with his hands. He's welcome to grab or hold him as he sees fit.
He'll feel a sharp pain in his side shortly after, right along the invisible seem of his puppet body. The sharp pain, the cut, goes further and further up that line.]
[ ... is that really what he wants. He can't deny it, for all his wish to set himself free, it feels so much safer to let himself be caged. Even if he comes and goes as he pleases, having somewhere that will always be there for him feels like a luxury he's never had.
He can feel Haruki's presence in his mind, and though he knows he should reject it, it feels comforting. It's the same with that pain, he wants to indulge in it, wants to just give himself to Haruki fully, without holding back. But the cut through that line, the reminder of what he is, feels equal part beautiful and terrifying.
So here, this is where he actually tries to push Haruki away, even though his movements are restricted. ]
[He doesn't stop. The knife continues to take him apart at the seams. It won't be deadly, but it will be exceedingly painful.]
Use me as you see fit. You shouldn't be so careless with your words if you don't mean them.
[Unfortunately, Haruki is incredibly unstable. Not only has the ever-shifting change of team members left him on edge, but that which remains remind him too much of the Fatui. Be useful or be discarded. Beyond that, his entire reasoning for ascension into godhood, most of his reasoning for his entire life has been upturned.
Thus, he slips into old comforts and continues to injure. Mochi will have to do a little more than pushing to actually get him away.]
[ He likes pain. The way it burns and spreads throughout his body, the way his blood drips down his skin. It's proof that he lives as much as it's proof of how inhuman he is, being able to withstand so much more than a normal person would.
He likes pain, and if he let himself enjoy this it wouldn't be any different. But it doesn't feel right like this. He's feeling like he's back on the experimenting table, under a man who's obsessed with him, but never cared for him. It feels like he's being looked at like an object, and he's so desperately trying to move past that.
He doesn't have his vision but he has the boon that was given to Snail, so he's taking control of that knife, throwing it far away. He could take his vision too, he knows that, but doesn't just yet. ]
[There is dead silence after the knife clatters to the ground. The urge to take out his frustrations on him is palpable. A heavy weight in the air between them.
But his Herald asked him to stop.
He promised him his freedom.
He won't break that promise.
The vines recede and Haruki stands.]
Choose your words more carefully next time. I won't always be so forgiving.
[ Even if he stopped it still feels wrong. This isn't the first time Haruki hurts him but it's never been like this. But if he thinks about it the difference is that it's always been because Mochi needed it before. This time, it's Haruki who needs an outlet. ]
I just wanted you to listen to me first.
[ he gets up as well, his hand going to the wound he inflicted him, fingers tracing along it ]
I mean it when I said I'm yours to use as you please. If you want to rip me to pieces, you can do that. I'll even let you kill me if you promise to be the first thing I see once I come back.
... But it hurts to be treated like an object. When you move the blade along those joint lines all I can think of is that you see me as just a puppet.
I don't like it.
I don't like it when you dig up the worst part of myself, my desires, everything that would be too easy to fall back into. It hurts.
You are a puppet. But it is because you are a puppet, because you are the only one who could possibly understand, is why I cherish you above all others.
[He reaches into his pocket and holds out his vision for him.]
I'm always going to remind you of your defeat and the path you walked away from. Your wanderings will always lead you away from me. Not towards.
I can't help digging up your past, but I don't think of you as an object. I want you to be my equal. I want you to be able to find your answer, whatever it ends up being.
I don't want to be alone, and I don't think you do either.
[ he takes the vision but after shelving it quickly it's Haruki he reaches for, his arms moving around him to pull him close for a hug, not wanting to let go of him just yet even if he stays quiet for now ]
It's your fault I'm like this right now, so you're taking responsibility.
... I cherish you too. That's why it's so difficult when I'm with you. I want to be needed by you, I want to tie you to myself, but I want to be able to go wherever I please.
I don't want you to be caged. But it's like you said, I don't want to be alone. I don't want you to be alone either.
[He pulls back just enough so he can grab his chin and lift his head.]
I don't know if you will ever find your answer, but just reminder I won't stand in the way of you finding it. I wouldn't put that much care into an object.
... Mm. I'm trying to make sure I won't push things too far for myself. It's easy to just offer myself up and let myself get swept up in the pleasure of it. But after ...
It's like I told you. I don't want to feel like just a piece of meat. ... Something happened with one of my partners some days ago. I went too far and I realized I shouldn't have after.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Day 91 - text
But Sumeru belongs to me. In the end, I don't view it as wasted effort or chains holding me down.
But do you?
Re: Day 91 - text
But I don't like the thought of being by your side just because I'm a puppet who was made to serve a god.
It feels hollow.
1/2
Re: Day 91 - text
[He pulls his hand out but keeps it close. Close enough so he can trace the marks on Mochi's chest that glow when he's using his abilities.]
Just don't stray too far after getting your revenge.
Re: Day 91 - text
Didn't you say you'll watch me get my revenge? Then won't you already be right with me when I'm taking care of it?
If you're also trying to make it so I can't stay without you ...
[ and then he moves so he can talk into his ear ]
I already would burn this whole place down if it dared to take you away from me.
Re: Day 91 - text
You belong to me.
[Shoving his back harshly to the ground but following him as vines come out of the ground to ensnare him around the waist and to cover his eyes.]
Re: Day 91 - text
... Maybe I just want to keep hearing you say it.
Re: Day 91 - text
Do I not adore you enough?
[There is a metal sound as he pockets his vision. Though there shouldn't be any worry that he will keep it as he's removing it just for short term play. He will also undress him from the waist up and bat at any hands that try to stop him.]
You said I could use you. A scar or two will make you remember who you belong to.
Re: Day 91 - text
It's never going to be enough. I'm greedy, so I want everything you have to offer. I want your eyes to be fixated on me. I want to keep being in your thoughts.
Re: Day 91 - text
What a fickle wind. I was respecting your freedom, but if you want to be caged, well, all you have to do is ask.
[Once clothes are out of the way, he doesn't really care what he does with his hands. He's welcome to grab or hold him as he sees fit.
He'll feel a sharp pain in his side shortly after, right along the invisible seem of his puppet body. The sharp pain, the cut, goes further and further up that line.]
Re: Day 91 - text
He can feel Haruki's presence in his mind, and though he knows he should reject it, it feels comforting. It's the same with that pain, he wants to indulge in it, wants to just give himself to Haruki fully, without holding back. But the cut through that line, the reminder of what he is, feels equal part beautiful and terrifying.
So here, this is where he actually tries to push Haruki away, even though his movements are restricted. ]
Stop.
Wait. Not like this.
Re: Day 91 - text
Use me as you see fit. You shouldn't be so careless with your words if you don't mean them.
[Unfortunately, Haruki is incredibly unstable. Not only has the ever-shifting change of team members left him on edge, but that which remains remind him too much of the Fatui. Be useful or be discarded. Beyond that, his entire reasoning for ascension into godhood, most of his reasoning for his entire life has been upturned.
Thus, he slips into old comforts and continues to injure. Mochi will have to do a little more than pushing to actually get him away.]
Re: Day 91 - text
He likes pain, and if he let himself enjoy this it wouldn't be any different. But it doesn't feel right like this. He's feeling like he's back on the experimenting table, under a man who's obsessed with him, but never cared for him. It feels like he's being looked at like an object, and he's so desperately trying to move past that.
He doesn't have his vision but he has the boon that was given to Snail, so he's taking control of that knife, throwing it far away. He could take his vision too, he knows that, but doesn't just yet. ]
... Don't treat me like I'm just a piece of meat.
I don't want it like this.
Re: Day 91 - text
But his Herald asked him to stop.
He promised him his freedom.
He won't break that promise.
The vines recede and Haruki stands.]
Choose your words more carefully next time. I won't always be so forgiving.
Re: Day 91 - text
I just wanted you to listen to me first.
[ he gets up as well, his hand going to the wound he inflicted him, fingers tracing along it ]
I mean it when I said I'm yours to use as you please. If you want to rip me to pieces, you can do that. I'll even let you kill me if you promise to be the first thing I see once I come back.
... But it hurts to be treated like an object. When you move the blade along those joint lines all I can think of is that you see me as just a puppet.
I don't like it.
I don't like it when you dig up the worst part of myself, my desires, everything that would be too easy to fall back into. It hurts.
Re: Day 91 - text
[He reaches into his pocket and holds out his vision for him.]
I'm always going to remind you of your defeat and the path you walked away from. Your wanderings will always lead you away from me. Not towards.
I can't help digging up your past, but I don't think of you as an object. I want you to be my equal. I want you to be able to find your answer, whatever it ends up being.
I don't want to be alone, and I don't think you do either.
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
[He gets an awkward pat on his back as they embrace.]
Re: Day 91 - text
... I cherish you too. That's why it's so difficult when I'm with you. I want to be needed by you, I want to tie you to myself, but I want to be able to go wherever I please.
I don't want you to be caged. But it's like you said, I don't want to be alone. I don't want you to be alone either.
Re: Day 91 - text
[He pulls back just enough so he can grab his chin and lift his head.]
I don't know if you will ever find your answer, but just reminder I won't stand in the way of you finding it. I wouldn't put that much care into an object.
Re: Day 91 - text
Then you can resume.
But you don't seem to be in the same mood any longer.
Re: Day 91 - text
Sit down, and I'll dress the injury.
Re: Day 91 - text
... Mm. I'm trying to make sure I won't push things too far for myself. It's easy to just offer myself up and let myself get swept up in the pleasure of it. But after ...
It's like I told you. I don't want to feel like just a piece of meat. ... Something happened with one of my partners some days ago. I went too far and I realized I shouldn't have after.
I didn't want it to be like that with you too.
Re: Day 91 - text
Oh? Can I use my anger on them instead? Or are they off limits?
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
1/2
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text