abovefate | Inbox

It's your fault I'm like this right now, so you're taking responsibility.

... I cherish you too. That's why it's so difficult when I'm with you. I want to be needed by you, I want to tie you to myself, but I want to be able to go wherever I please.

I don't want you to be caged. But it's like you said, I don't want to be alone. I don't want you to be alone either.

I don't care about being caged. I already am.

[He pulls back just enough so he can grab his chin and lift his head.]

I don't know if you will ever find your answer, but just reminder I won't stand in the way of you finding it. I wouldn't put that much care into an object.

[ that does seem to calm him down after the earlier mess ]

Then you can resume.

But you don't seem to be in the same mood any longer.

No, I'm not. And I don't think it would be good for either of us to continue.

Sit down, and I'll dress the injury.

[ he'll sit down as instructed ]

... Mm. I'm trying to make sure I won't push things too far for myself. It's easy to just offer myself up and let myself get swept up in the pleasure of it. But after ...

It's like I told you. I don't want to feel like just a piece of meat. ... Something happened with one of my partners some days ago. I went too far and I realized I shouldn't have after.

I didn't want it to be like that with you too.

[He does clean it so the blood won't get on his clothes when he puts them back on. The important things.]

Oh? Can I use my anger on them instead? Or are they off limits?

They're off limits. I shouldn't be talking about it to begin with, so I can't tell you who it was.

I figured as much.

And who tells the wind what to do, hmm? You can tell me anything, and if you want it kept in confidence, I will keep it in confidence.

... Mm. Then you have to keep it in confidence.

It was with Caeli. We weren't thinking clearly at the time, but I let him take off my limbs and have his way with me like that. We always end up calling each other demeaning things, so it doesn't really mean anything in the heat of the moment, but he kept calling me his doll.

It felt really, really good in the moment. Part of me wants to do something like that again. But then it doesn't feel right to get off on being used and treated like an object.

It's not like I ever cared about things being good or healthy for me, but if I'm trying to move forward this won't work.

I see. It really was just poor timing on my part.

[He sits down and pulls Mochi into his lap.]

You will probably find this demeaning, but you remind me of that boy we found. You remember how much we cared about him, right?

[ he does move into his lap, but just like Haruki said, of course he finds the comparison distasteful ]

Do I really look so helpless and weak to you right now?

Yes. But I'm also a god, and lording over others is one of the perks.

But that isn't the point. I care about you more than I cared about him. It is the same feeling, only stronger.

Does that put your value into perspective?

[ Ah. He's speechless, just looking at Haruki for a long moment, taking it all in. Of all the things he could say to drive the point across, this is probably the most effective ]

... yes.

Good. Doubt was marring your pretty face.

[ he doesn't say anything back yet - instead he closes the distance between the two of them so he can kiss him, though he keeps it brief ]

I really must be pitiful if I end up having to be comforted even when I set out to be the one to comfort you.

[He looks very smug.]

I get to be myself around you. I was worried I was bringing back bad memories, but it looks like it was really someone else.

Oh? You were worried? Do go on, I want to hear all those cute thoughts of worry and concern you had for your precious Herald.

From your point of view, I'm your past. And our past has its fair share of painful memories.

You want to move forward, so of course your past would get in the way.

... Mm. My past is filled with pain.

But that's not what I see when I look at you. To me you really are the promise of spring finally coming.

I cherish you too.

Is that what you really see? And what does spring me to you?

It is. If I only saw pain in you I wouldn't have rejected you earlier, no?

We're never going to live a normal life. That's a naive dream that there's no point in entertaining. But I think maybe we can blossom. Turn our pain into something meaningful.

When I look at you I see the chance for things to be different. But it won't mean anything if we're not together.

You really are soft.

[He repeats but says in a definitely teasing gesture, holding him just a little tighter. I don't have a sticking tongue out icon.]

I'll just have to make you believe that I'll keep my word.

I know you will. I'll just get a little needy from time to time.

I do have a question.

You did say I dig up the worst parts of yourself. Which parts are those?

The parts that are still yearning for a heart. To fill that void and to be used. If you were just making me furious it wouldn't be an issue. But compared to you I can't help but feel pathetic for still being so weak.

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