[ Ah. He's speechless, just looking at Haruki for a long moment, taking it all in. Of all the things he could say to drive the point across, this is probably the most effective ]
It is. If I only saw pain in you I wouldn't have rejected you earlier, no?
We're never going to live a normal life. That's a naive dream that there's no point in entertaining. But I think maybe we can blossom. Turn our pain into something meaningful.
When I look at you I see the chance for things to be different. But it won't mean anything if we're not together.
The parts that are still yearning for a heart. To fill that void and to be used. If you were just making me furious it wouldn't be an issue. But compared to you I can't help but feel pathetic for still being so weak.
I do not trust my team even enough to leave this in their care. A replica. A powerless one at that.
The ones I cared for most are gone. Those that are left are your normal, hypocritical humans. When I killed you, I was scorned and treated as a child. Even trying to win them back in the hostage game, I was berated for damaging team relations.
Maybe the new lot will be better, but I am not holding my breath.
The same goes for your team as well. Most of them are irrational idiots. They are just irrational idiots who happen to love you.
That is where you and I differ. I don't care about growing or finding purpose. I have mine. What I have learned has thrown some of it into chaos, but some of it remains unchained.
[At the question he shrugs.]
Do what you want. We will see how long this batch lasts.
I want to know who berated you. Which one of them shall bear the burnt of my contempt?
As for Snail ... they're amenable to changing their ways after conversation, so they're not as bad as they looked back then. The problem is that they're also stubborn. But they won't hate you since you are important to me.
I know you don't like being around them. But I don't want you in cricket if you feel unwelcome there.
They have no reason to anymore. You've killed me once and never again. You're not pulling anything weird. Back then they probably thought you were messing with Snail, I don't think they understood you weren't trying to pretend to be me so much as just trying to buy yourself time.
But they have no reason to hate you anymore.
Yuki is good with plants. He's not the lord of Dendro, but he'll take care of Irminsul when you aren't able to, if you ask it of him. Salamander is not a bad team to form ties to, if you want to start with them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Day 91 - text
But that isn't the point. I care about you more than I cared about him. It is the same feeling, only stronger.
Does that put your value into perspective?
Re: Day 91 - text
... yes.
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
I really must be pitiful if I end up having to be comforted even when I set out to be the one to comfort you.
Re: Day 91 - text
I get to be myself around you. I was worried I was bringing back bad memories, but it looks like it was really someone else.
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
You want to move forward, so of course your past would get in the way.
Re: Day 91 - text
But that's not what I see when I look at you. To me you really are the promise of spring finally coming.
I cherish you too.
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
We're never going to live a normal life. That's a naive dream that there's no point in entertaining. But I think maybe we can blossom. Turn our pain into something meaningful.
When I look at you I see the chance for things to be different. But it won't mean anything if we're not together.
Re: Day 91 - text
[He repeats but says in a definitely teasing gesture, holding him just a little tighter. I don't have a sticking tongue out icon.]
I'll just have to make you believe that I'll keep my word.
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
You did say I dig up the worst parts of yourself. Which parts are those?
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
But when you say 'weak', is it really about raw strength? I think it means something different.
Re: Day 91 - text
Raw strength doesn't really matter as much to me. But you're nowhere near as needy and frail as I am, are you?
Re: Day 91 - text
[He looks over at the sapling of Irminsul.]
I do not trust my team even enough to leave this in their care. A replica. A powerless one at that.
The ones I cared for most are gone. Those that are left are your normal, hypocritical humans. When I killed you, I was scorned and treated as a child. Even trying to win them back in the hostage game, I was berated for damaging team relations.
Maybe the new lot will be better, but I am not holding my breath.
Re: Day 91 - text
You can be needy and frail with me. If you wanted to let go of all your defenses, I wouldn't think of you as weak and pathetic.
But having me and no one else won't help you grow.
[ even if a dark part of him really, really like the thought of that. ]
Are your teammates still off limits? ... I really don't like that they're so out of touch. That they're hurting you like this.
Re: Day 91 - text
That is where you and I differ. I don't care about growing or finding purpose. I have mine. What I have learned has thrown some of it into chaos, but some of it remains unchained.
[At the question he shrugs.]
Do what you want. We will see how long this batch lasts.
Re: Day 91 - text
As for Snail ... they're amenable to changing their ways after conversation, so they're not as bad as they looked back then. The problem is that they're also stubborn. But they won't hate you since you are important to me.
I know you don't like being around them. But I don't want you in cricket if you feel unwelcome there.
Re: Day 91 - text
[He does snort at 'they won't hate you since you are important to me.']
You can't really believe that. How gullible can you be?
But don't worry. I'm looking outside Cricket. You don't have to babysit me.
Re: Day 91 - text
But they have no reason to hate you anymore.
Yuki is good with plants. He's not the lord of Dendro, but he'll take care of Irminsul when you aren't able to, if you ask it of him. Salamander is not a bad team to form ties to, if you want to start with them.
But I really want to take you with me.
Re: Day 91 - text
Fine. I'll try to come over again sometime. But if it is weird, I'm leaving.
Re: Day 91 - text
And that's fine.
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
1/2
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text
Re: Day 91 - text