abovefate | Inbox

[ that’s kind of… cute. ] I didn’t disappear. I have just been staying in my room. Did you hear about the game that happened before all of these extra people showed up… [ he’s stepping past scaramouche, because he doesn’t want to have this conversation anywhere but his room. ]

[ he's walking toward his room and just following Childe, they both know the way ]

No, I'd assumed you were busy with your special archon and Sensei. This is the first time I hear about a game.

[ sighs, expression twisting into something neutral but bordering on agitated. ] I spent most of it alone. [ though both of them did check up on him, which is more than he can say about what scaramouche did or didn’t do in this case. ]

[ he has to hold his tongue until they’re in scara’s room, because all of baritones doesn’t need to hear their inevitable spat. ]

Why are you jealous of them? Why can’t I like them and like you? Why do you have to subtly compare yourself and what we have to them and what I have with them. It shouldn’t matter. All that should matter is what we have…

I'm not jealous.

[ he's going to walk up to his bed and just sit there ]

You can fuck whoever you want.

[ Scaramouche… I stg. ]

It’s not just about fucking people. [ hesitates, but decides to join him on the bed. ] …carnal desires are one thing, but there’s more to it than that. [ being bad at this with someone who is worse is a nightmare. he feels like he’s not making this any better… probably because he isn’t. ]

Fine, then, you can be in love with whoever you want. It isn't as if it has anything to do with me after all.

Or are you saying you're in love with me? that would be funny.

I don’t know. It’s part of the reason I want to talk, but you’re just avoiding all of the questions I’m asking you. How do you feel, Balladeer, do you like me, love me, …anything? Do you care?

Or am I just a nuisance?

If you can't answer then why should I? You don't know what you want but you think I should tell you?

I can answer the first thing I asked you, Scaramouche, I care about you. I would check up on you if you tried to fucken vanish for a couple of days because a bunch of people walked around in a fucken nightmare of yours!

So is this what this is all about? You wanted me to check on you? I told you, I thought you were busy. And no one told me there was a game.

[ look at him, still not answering ]

Answer the question, Scaramouche.

Can't you let it go for once? Why do you want to hear me say it so badly?

...fine, if you don't care, then I don't care. I'm going back to Wild City. [ gets up and heads for the door. ]

I care.

But that won't change the fact you're in love with someone else, so what does it matter?

...and I can be in love with more than one person?

But you're not in love with me.

How can you be so sure?

Because you're not. You just said "you don't know", no? If you were in love you'd know.

No, I wouldn't, because feelings are next to fucken impossible to navigate, especially with you!, because you're not giving me anything to work with! I'm trying to figure out how I feel and how I should proceed, but it's worse than talking to a wall.

You barely know me. Why would you be in love with me? That's just absurd.

[ There's a pause and then he sighs ]

We enjoy spending time together, can't we leave it at that? I thought you were the one who didn't want labels.

[ scaramouche is right and wrong. he doesn't know *this* balladeer as well as his own, but that doesn't mean he still doesn't feel something. he's failing to navigate what he's feeling and scaramouche isn't. fucking. helping. what did he expect though? he's an idiot for thinking this conversation would help him understand things better... now he's just frustrated and hurt??? ]

If you can figure out what you want from me, then I might change my stance.

But I can't give you anything when you don't even know what it is you want from me. I don't have anyone else, you know.

It's just you.

I want something more with you. I'm doing my best to navigate these feelings on my own, because you're not giving me much to work with, but rest assured, Scaramouche, there IS something there. I just don't know what to do about it... because, I guess, ...maybe I am afraid of hurting you... more... I can't stop having feelings for other people, but I also don't want to stop having feelings for you.

Is that something you can be okay with? I don't want you feeling like some third wheel...

What, you having feelings for other people but trying to drag me into some sort of romantic entanglement despite that? No. If we weren't in this place I would have already made it so your other precious people would disappear off the picture entirely. I've never been one for sharing.

...and you think I like to share? Both of them have other people they care about, and while that bothered me at first I realized I'd rather try to chase the fleeting feeling of happiness instead of stewing in misery. Unlike you I don't have forever.

[ this was such a mistake. ]

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