abovefate | Inbox

Answer the question, Scaramouche.

Can't you let it go for once? Why do you want to hear me say it so badly?

...fine, if you don't care, then I don't care. I'm going back to Wild City. [ gets up and heads for the door. ]

I care.

But that won't change the fact you're in love with someone else, so what does it matter?

...and I can be in love with more than one person?

But you're not in love with me.

How can you be so sure?

Because you're not. You just said "you don't know", no? If you were in love you'd know.

No, I wouldn't, because feelings are next to fucken impossible to navigate, especially with you!, because you're not giving me anything to work with! I'm trying to figure out how I feel and how I should proceed, but it's worse than talking to a wall.

You barely know me. Why would you be in love with me? That's just absurd.

[ There's a pause and then he sighs ]

We enjoy spending time together, can't we leave it at that? I thought you were the one who didn't want labels.

[ scaramouche is right and wrong. he doesn't know *this* balladeer as well as his own, but that doesn't mean he still doesn't feel something. he's failing to navigate what he's feeling and scaramouche isn't. fucking. helping. what did he expect though? he's an idiot for thinking this conversation would help him understand things better... now he's just frustrated and hurt??? ]

If you can figure out what you want from me, then I might change my stance.

But I can't give you anything when you don't even know what it is you want from me. I don't have anyone else, you know.

It's just you.

I want something more with you. I'm doing my best to navigate these feelings on my own, because you're not giving me much to work with, but rest assured, Scaramouche, there IS something there. I just don't know what to do about it... because, I guess, ...maybe I am afraid of hurting you... more... I can't stop having feelings for other people, but I also don't want to stop having feelings for you.

Is that something you can be okay with? I don't want you feeling like some third wheel...

What, you having feelings for other people but trying to drag me into some sort of romantic entanglement despite that? No. If we weren't in this place I would have already made it so your other precious people would disappear off the picture entirely. I've never been one for sharing.

...and you think I like to share? Both of them have other people they care about, and while that bothered me at first I realized I'd rather try to chase the fleeting feeling of happiness instead of stewing in misery. Unlike you I don't have forever.

[ this was such a mistake. ]

Between us I'm the one who is already dead. What makes you think I have forever?

Are you happy? With them.

You're not dead right now. And who says I would let you die or stay dead back home?

They both make me happy, yes, but you also make me happy.

I'm not coming back to Teyvat, Tartaglia. After this place you won't see me ever again.

Where are you going to go?

I haven't decided yet.

... [ moves his tails around scaramouche. ] And if I want you to come with me?

What for? To see the same world I hated so much I destroyed it, just barely better than I have left it? And that's not even taking in consideration the other version of myself.

[ ok, fuck this, he's shifting to face scaramouche so he can grab him and drag him into his arms for a tight hug. ] I don't care if you kill her. For discarding you for the pipe dream of eternity she can die... but that doesn't mean I want to see you not only destroy yourself, but also the world in which we all live. It's not as bad as you think it is. It... doesn't have to be...

I think you deserve better...
I want you to be happy and I want to make you happy.

[ he lets him hold him for a few moments, but eventually he brings his hand on his shoulder and pushes him away - not roughly, just a small push so he'll get away from the hug ]

I'm not coming back.

Even if I were to indulge your terrible idea of making this something that won't change.

You will have to accept that we won't see each other again.

[ childe is forced back a bit. ] Don't underestimate me and my abilities, Scaramouche. [ he grabs his shoulder and shoves him back, hard, pinning him to the bed as he looms overhead. ] I don't have to accept a damn thing. [ a laugh that might edge on hysterical. ] You might think the Tsaritsa has me on a tight leash, but I'm a Harbinger to quench the thirst that threatens to rip me apart. [ bears down on him some more, his mask cracking. ]

A few people are working on keeping me around a little bit longer and if that's something that can even be in the works, then I can think it worthwhile to avoid a future where we 'won't see each other again'. If you want someone that cares I'm right here you asshole!

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