abovefate | Inbox

...you ask me that now? I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.

[ he's so confused. There is so much he wants, so much he wants to demand, but it wouldn't change things - he has no intention of backing away from his promise to Haruki. And he can't fully commit to Childe when he will always feel as if he'll be tossed away when a better option comes along.

... But he doesn't want to let go of him either. He brings his hand to the mark on his wrist, tracing it gently ]

I don't want to lose you.

[ he reaches for his hand. ] I don't want to lose you either. [ he brushes his fingers over the mark. ] I can't lose anybody else. Do you know why I chase power? Because maybe I'll eventually be so powerful where I won't ever have to lose anybody ever again.

... Mmm. Are you sure you're not going to just end up chasing something impossible like Haruki and I have been doing?

Isn’t that technically what everybody does? Chase happiness? Chase love? Chase power? We’re always vying for something we don’t have… whether it’s something we lost or something we crave. [ he shuts his eyes and sighs, giving a tug on mochi’s arm. ] I’ll do my best to keep you happy while we’re together. I’m sorry I’m a jealous wreck… but once a mess always a mess.

... I like it that you're jealous. And I'm jealous too. It's just difficult to handle while we're not exclusive.

I know exclusivity is kind of an impossibility, but it doesn’t stop a part of me from craving it, which, I don’t know, maybe is why I get like this? it seems like most people have multiple lovers, but imagine having one person that was all yours.

For the record, I like when you get jealous too.

If it were for me you would all be just mine.

[ he's going to finally rest against him again, leaning in to kiss his cheek ]

I don't really "have" multiple people. No one is really just mine.

Anybody would be lucky to call you theirs. [ childe tugs him into his lap and circles his arms around him. drops a kiss on the back of his neck. ] I want to see the mark you gave me. Take a picture of it next time you’re fucking me into the bed.

... I don't know if the mark will be the only thing I capture, if you're letting me take a picture of it.

You plan on aiming a little lower?

Why not. I could keep the pictures for when I feel lonely.

[ his ears perk up despite him trying to stay cool. ]

Why jerk off to a picture when I'm only a few rooms down?

Because I could film myself doing that, just to show you after.

...you should film yourself sneaking into my room, putting on my clothes, and jerking off while you think of me. [ how it came to that, specifically, he doesn't know, but fuck if it's not hot. ]

[ oh ... oh, now that's a thought. ]

I could do that. But don't complain if I end up getting them dirty.

I'll clean them up. You too. [ presses him back into the bed. ] I wonder if I could squeeze into something of yours.

... mm. most of it large, but you're too tall for it.

What if I were nothing but that collar you got me?

Aah ... that would be even better.

[ childe moves off the bed and grabs his shirt... throwing it at mochi. ] Put it on. Let me see how cute you look.

[ there's a soft laugh at that, but he takes it and puts it on ]

So? Do you like it?

[ he scrutinizes him for a few minutes, ] I do. [ a lot. ]

[ he rejoins him on the bed and tugs him into his lap. ] there’s just something about it… [ kisses the corner of his lips. ]

So cute, so hot.

... Mm. If you like it, I can wear your clothes more often.

How about whenever you hang out in my room you wear my clothes.

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