[ dottore doesn't want to hear it because it's just going to bite him in the ass, like everything always does when it comes to feelings. he doesn't look at scaramouche, but instead just tries to choke him on the tentacle he's forced in his mouth. if he's choking them he can't spout more lies. he can't pretend he feels anything real for him. ] ... [ but his anger subsides and all he feels is hurt. he withdraws the tentacle and drops scaramouche onto the examination table. ] It's not real.
[ He's certainly chocking on the tentacle, just like he wanted. But it's fine, that's the sort of thing they do - that's how it needs to be. So he moans around it, and even chases it with his tongue once Dottore pulls it out and drops him on the table ]
... What a reaction.
Aren't I the one who should say that? This is backwards. I'm the one who kept following you like a stupid little duckling.
[ dottore turns his back to scaramouche and laughs. in his desperation he did whatever he could to keep scaramouche following him like that 'stupid little duckling'. he needed him to get attached, because then, maybe, he wouldn't feel so crazy for wanting that too. ] Shutup. [ he finally snaps back with a hiss. ] ...you don't [ he turns back again, intent on telling scaramouche that he doesn't love him, but he can't get the word out. ] ...you just think you do. You're confused. [ says the most confused man on the planet. ]
[ oh. This is about the last thing he ever expected from Dottore. And maybe it's the first time he realizes that maybe he has a heart after all. It's ... odd. And different from what he pictures him as. It's even more confusing than his own feelings.
So he sits up, bringing a hand over one of those tentacles to caress them gently ]
Now this is a conversation I never thought we'd need to have. How strange. But it really does bother you.
...it's your fault for bringing feelings into a relationship where they definitely don't belong. [ and maybe dottore's jealous of scaramouche's lack of a heart, because he didn't think he'd have to deal with shit like this, but apparently that's not true at all, and the little puppet feels just as much if not more than he does. he should have ripped his own heart out when he had the chance. he already made dozens of modifications to himself, so why hadn't he ever just taken it out and hidden it away? or crushed it... ] Why did you say it?
I don't know. Maybe it's like you said and I'm confused. I'm not stupid enough to think this is how love should be. I just killed you and asked you to do the same. We get off on that sort of stuff.
But I felt like saying it. Why does it bother you?
[ scaramouche's explanation doesn't make him feel any better about any of this. it seems to confuse him more. and maybe it bothers him because it hurts more than he's willing to admit. ] Because I'm a monster, and you don't love monsters. You hate them, you fear them, and you... keep them at arm's length so they don't devour you...
[ dottore grabs scaramouche's face and squeezes his cheeks. ] Tartaglia is a human and you are a puppet made to look human. Even if you commit a bunch of different heinous atrocities there is no damning you, ...forgiveness will always be offered to you in some way, shape, or form.
But I am a monster. A beast parading around in a human skin suit. [ he releases scara's face and grabs his hand, bringing it toward his mouth. ] Did you ever wonder why I have red eyes and sharp teeth... did you ever wonder why, despite having you, I still brought in other human experiments...
No. Because to me it doesn't matter. Just like it doesn't matter that I am made to look human - I am not. I never will be, I'll always be different. And even if my looks may fool idiots into thinking I'm beautiful and pure ...
At the end of the day inside I'm just filthy and disgusting.
You being a monster has never been a secret. Why would you think that'd change things for me?
[ dottore's brow furrows as his lips draw to form a tight, thin line. it's changed how people see him his entire life, so why would he suddenly think that scaramouche is an exception? he's sick and tired of getting hurt, but... out of everybody scaramouche has seen the absolute worst bits of him. spending all that time with him in his lab had to have revealed his true colors... and scaramouche is certainly smart enough to see... ] Nonsense, no part of you is filthy or disgusting. [ he sets a knee on the bed and leans towards him. ] Inside and outside you are beautiful. [ dottore reaches for his chest, setting a hand over where scara's heart would be. ] Feelings don't have to make sense and that's why they're useless.
[ snorts. ] ...you say that like it's a bad thing and that I don't regularly think about setting the world on fire just to watch everybody scream and melt. [ he looks at their hands. ] Another experiment... [ an experiment in... understanding... feelings...??? ] Is that what you want me to do?
I did think about how I should kill you over and over again a few times already... [ because accepting love is harder than murder. murder is easy! dottore understands scaramouche's reaction to i love you more than he does the i love you, itself. ] Feelings are complicated, and you clearly felt just as lost as I do now when that idiot carrot confessed to you. [ his tentacles slither onto the bed and start pawing at scara's legs. ] ...will you say it again?
[ It doesn't feel right saying it again because of course his thoughts go back to Childe. What would he say if he told him he told Dottore he loves him? Would he be hurt? Would he be upset or worried? It's easy to discard the thought when he's in the middle of an emotionally charged situation, but now that he's perfectly lucid, he can't help but feel like he's betraying him.
[ dottore can't bring himself to reciprocate the feelings yet... he's still having a bit of a time parsing that scaramouche feels something for him, but he does kiss him with as much passion as he can muster, trying to convey in his own way that he does... feel something for him too. he nips at his lower lip, his hand sprawling out over his chest as his tentacles slither up the inside of his legs. ] Beautiful, [ sits back, ] so beautiful... there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, my dear Kamrava. Let me give you all the pleasure you deserve and then some.
[ There's something nice about hearing Dottore call him beautiful. Maybe it feels even nicer knowing this man knows him inside-out, in literal ways. He's seen everything of him. Has seen the most ugly sides, has seen him at his most pathetic. And he still thinks he's beautiful.
Maybe the only way he can love him is as his most beloved experiment, but he's fine with that ]
... [ dottore hesitates, padding the silence with some more kisses to scaramouche's neck. ] I'm afraid that here I'm limited in what I can do for you. I want to give you so much more than I'm able to do here... [ he sounds frustrated. ] But, still, whatever I can give you I will give you. [ he marks his neck, groaning into the skin as his tentacles peel away at the layers of clothing scaramouche has got on. ] Whatever you want, tell me, and I'll do my best... you're all I can think about, and all that I want, ... [ one of the tentacles coils around his cock once it's free, stroking him from base to tip. ]
[ he'd answer him with something equally ridiculous, and yet the words die in his throat as the tentacles keep stroking him. He lets out a soft moan, rocking his hips toward that touch, clearly wanting more ]
A--ah ... so you're obsessed with me? Who would have guessed.
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Re: day 525.
Re: day 525.
... What a reaction.
Aren't I the one who should say that? This is backwards. I'm the one who kept following you like a stupid little duckling.
Re: day 525.
Re: day 525.
So he sits up, bringing a hand over one of those tentacles to caress them gently ]
Now this is a conversation I never thought we'd need to have. How strange. But it really does bother you.
Re: day 525.
Re: day 525.
But I felt like saying it. Why does it bother you?
Re: day 525.
Re: day 525.
Not that it matters. Of course you're a monster. Tartaglia and I are monsters too.
Re: day 525.
But I am a monster. A beast parading around in a human skin suit. [ he releases scara's face and grabs his hand, bringing it toward his mouth. ] Did you ever wonder why I have red eyes and sharp teeth... did you ever wonder why, despite having you, I still brought in other human experiments...
Re: day 525.
At the end of the day inside I'm just filthy and disgusting.
You being a monster has never been a secret. Why would you think that'd change things for me?
Re: day 525.
Re: day 525.
[ he brings his hand on Dottore's, taking it and holding it ]
Maybe you can think of this as another experiment.
Re: day 525.
Re: day 525.
When Tartaglia told me "I love you" I killed him over and over at least a hundred times. Maybe I just want to avoid that.
Re: day 525.
Re: day 525.
Something he really needs to talk to him about.
But he can't lie anymore ]
... I love you.
Re: day 525.
Re: day 525.
Maybe the only way he can love him is as his most beloved experiment, but he's fine with that ]
Then — take me and show me everything I deserve.
Re: day 525.
Re: day 525.
A--ah ... so you're obsessed with me? Who would have guessed.
Re: day 525.