abovefate | Inbox

Keep telling me how special he is and I'm going to change my mind. I already know. You went off the handle just at the thought of me kissing him, he's obviously far ahead of me no matter how "special" I am to you.

But I want to avoid having another misunderstanding... and remember how you asked me if I would get jealous if somebody kissed or choked you. Of course, but being that we haven't defined what we are I can't just fly off the handle. And you had made it clear you didn't want anything attached to our regular fuck sessions...

I'm dead and I don't like being an afterthought. Why would I want anything attached to it all when I know you have two others?

I didn't anticipate having more than one person like this in my life... but things just happened like that. You don't think I'm capable of caring about you too?

What's the point of it? You're going to go back to your world, faced with a version of myself who won't even know what happened here. Even if you wouldn't kill me you really can't see how bad that's going to be? And me, I'll just be left to wander on my own.

You won't betray the Tsaritsa and you won't leave that Archon of yours. So why do you keep on trying to make this worse?

...Xiansheng and I might not be from the same world. Sensei and I definitely aren't from the same world, and you know what, Scaramouche, even if we were all from some happy fucken version of the same place I'm not going to be able to live nearly as long as you. I'm mortal, you're all basically immortal, and because of my Delusion and my Foul Legacy I'm destined to die in the next couple of years anyway. [ a mirthful laugh. ] I want to enjoy the time I have with the people I care about... what's so wrong with that?

"Eternity" has a way of getting lonely.

I don't want to talk about feelings, and even if I did, isn't that too soon? I've only been here for a week and before then it had been years since I last saw you.

Can't we go back to just having fun and forget about the rest? I can't promise I won't touch your things. But I won't go out of my way to break them.

Fair. I can stop. I guess because of a number of recent things that have happened I have been thinking more about my imminent mortality.

But, sure, that's fine. I appreciate that. [ he finally does turn, reaching out for scaramouche. ] I'll try not to be such a mess, though I can't exactly promise I'll make much progress... eheh.

All mortals live for but a blink of an eye. If nothing else at least you've always held fast to your convictions. As foolish as it is I don't dislike that about you.

... But I am glad that here and now you're still alive.

[ grabs his sleeve and starts tugging him closer, though a low rumbling sounds from the darkness and an enormous pair of glistening teeth appear from out of the void. ]

[ Well.

That's distracting. He's curious about what it is, but he's not in a hurry to die. So for now, he'll just put a barrier around the two of them ]

And what is it that you're dreaming now?

[ it doesn’t seem friendly… so better to err on the side of caution, though it’s presence does push against the barrier created; threatening to break it. ]

…the abyss.

What a bad place.

Do you want to stay?

[ shrugs. ] It's a part of me... but I'm feeling numb right now, so maybe leaving is a good idea.

[ he's going to take them to a mountain cabin - raging snow outside and super cold, but they're dressed appropriately and by the fire ]

[ this is a nice surprise, but he's still feeling shitty. ] ...thank you for forgiving me. [ tightens his grip on scaramouche. ] Have you enjoyed bingo otherwise?

You're not going to tell me about your experience in the Abyss?

I've learned a few weaknesses here and there. My Unit has been getting on my case trying to make sure I will feel comfortable and at home.

I didn't know you wanted to know about it, but I also don't really like talking about it. How I feel about the abyss is complicated...

Do you?

No. The Fatui headquarters is the most at home I ever felt and even that was hardly comfortable.

I’m only curious. I didn’t know you’d been there.

…we could try making a space for you with a dorm upgrade. Even if you don’t necessarily feel at home at BiT having a place to retreat to when you’re feeling like shit is always nice.

I fell in when I was a kid. It’s where I learned the Foul Legacy technique and why I’m significantly more tainted than most. [ cracks a small smile that he can’t quite keep in place. ]

Yvette has already proposed that. She asked what I'd be more at home with so she could buy it. And I had no answer. If I were to ask for the mansion I showed you, I feel like that'd be in bad taste.

And why your lifespan is shortened, mm. That does explain it.

I don't think so... but that might be something better bought on your own, and not through another unitmate, especially if you're not into oversharing.

Everytime I use Foul Legacy I shave a few years off my life, but I'm not going to stop. I can't get stronger if I don't push myself, and it's not like I didn't already anticipate dying prematurely.

Who knows. Maybe you'll transcend those limits and become a god of your own.

[ laughs LOUDLY, and a touch unhinged. ]

Would you be able to contain the power of a Gnosis, I wonder ... you could take one for yourself.

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