abovefate | Inbox

[ going to tackle his scrawny ass and pin him to the floor. ] Cut it out. I wanted to spend time with you because the game sucked, not so you could take advantage of this stupid ass side effect.

Well at least now you have something different to be mad about. Don't you want to punch me? Tell me I'm an asshole and push me away.

I want you to stop. I need you to stop. [ sets his head on his shoulder. ] Every chance they get they’re taking a little bit more control from me. [ shuts his eyes and sighs. Scaramouche might be able to see a few galaxy colored strands of hair on his head. ] I’m so fucken tired… [ of this shit. a few more cracks appear in his mask. ]

You never had control to begin with, Tartaglia. None of us ever had. We're all just fools dancing on strings by someone else's whims and direction.

But fine. I'll stop.

...you have more control that I do. I barely have any free will right now! If things get too out of hand, then I turn into a monster!

Then I order you to stay as you are, and not turn into a monster.

I don't know if you'll be able to stop the transformation, since that's not even something I have the faintest semblance of control over... but can we just relax? Everything hurts and my head feels empty.

You know I'm bossy. I'll still end up giving you orders even if I don't do it intentionally.

I know... and I don't *care*. I just don't appreciate petty crap like that. I'm already feeling like shit. I don't need you purposely making it worse.

I'm only saying it to give you an out if you want to go somewhere else. ... It bothers me. That you are upset for a game. That you were hurt there. That my unit was hurt there.

And I don't know what to do with any of this. Focusing on you not being able to refuse orders seemed easier.

I don't *want* to be anywhere else. [ shoves him back and lays on top of him. ] At least we won, because otherwise you may have gotten to see how bad it was. [ turns into a fox and buries his face in his tail. ] ...welcome to hell. Shit like this is going to happen nonstop. [ going to burrow under his shirt. ] You can always come to me if this bothers you this badly.

[ he's going to let him go under his shirt and keep him there, bringing his hand to his back to pet it ]

Would that change anything? It already happened anyway.

Going left instead of right is just going to change the *kind* of suffering we endured. How would you have reacted if you had seen me?

I don't know.

Maybe I would have tried to destroy everything.

[ crawls up his shirt and licks his chin. ] I’m glad you weren’t there. I don’t know what I would have done had you been trapped in the car.

The same you did for the others, I suspect. How is dying is a game? Is it the same as when we did?

I am sure I would have been a bit more frantic. [ a broken laugh. ] It's... [ shrugs. ] Dying is not the worst part of the games. It's everything leading up to it.

The train took us out almost instantly. Some of the deaths in the games are long and drawn out.

One of the first few games I was in I was made into a human candle and each round the flame on my head just melted more and more of me.

You told me about that one. For me torture isn't a big deal. But for you ... I can imagine it was distressing.

I can stand certain things... but shit that reminds me of the abyss in any fashion just... [ shakes his head. ]

Is that what the abyss felt like...?

[ doesn't look comfortable talking about this... but... ] It's influence feels like it's splitting you apart, so it can reshape and reform you. Twisting the person you used to be into something... something new...

I think that's why that kind of thing messes with me so badly. Just dredges up all that crap.

Do you feel like you're no longer you, after your time spent there and here?

I'm definitely not the same person I was before I fell into the abyss. And here... this place annoys me more than anything. It's like a test of patience.

But do you regret it? Falling into the abyss, arriving here ... things are different than they were in Teyvat, no?

No. I don't regret the person I've become because of the abyss. As for here... there are definitely things I'm thankful for here. It hasn't been all bad.

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